I am in front of my fake computer, an iPad transformed into an efficient utility via an added keyboard. I am in a coffee shop where three other beings next to me seem to be having writers block. I can’t find the apostrophe on this keyboard, and its bothering me as well. Do you know what’s much more comical? I was supposed to type this post in January twenty-fourteen, but I chickened out. I flapped my chicken wings and threw this idea in the back of my mind. Ego supported this action.
When I brought this idea forward again in December twenty-fourteen, Ego still insisted that my ideas were silly and deserved to be in a closet, deep inside my mind. Every time I attempted to reach to them, I was attacked by dust bunnies and my allergies worsened as my eyes began to itch and water.
"Come on Ego! Let me open this closet!"
"No Shikha, I am protecting you. I am shielding your thoughts and ideas here with me. If they are protected, you will be too. You don't need to share any of it. Keep it here, safe with me, my dear."
"Ego, you are irritating me and doing what you always do."
"What wrong am I doing besides protecting you from mean, unappreciative people?"
"Not everyone is mean. Not everyone is unappreciative. Why are you filling me with fear?"
"Fine! Do what you want! I only want the best for you and you thank me like this. Don't come back to me crying when you do not succeed. I will tell you “I told you so.” But, you are a stubborn child!"
"Ok Ego, thanks for your support...."
"Sure Shikha. No problem Shikha. I want you to be safe and I don't want your fragile Self to get hurt. Do you understand what I am trying to say? I mean you can start your blog. I do not care at all. I am just warn-...."
"Bye Ego, I'm shutting you off. I'm exhausted from your constant chatter."
"You cannot shut me off. I am your mind and I created who you are today!"
"No, I created you. I made sure that you could defend me before I did something dangerous. But, this is harmless. This is for me. You should be pushing me to do what I want, not making me fear the world."
"Everything in this world is dangerous! You should not go out in the world. You should stay here with me. I will keep you safe and sane. You should keep to yourself. Why do you need to talk to people? They are mean and cruel. Do you not know that? They are fake and live in a materialistic world. You and I know this truth, then why don't you stay with me? Keep your thoughts and ideas safe with me, my dear Shikha. I have been your only friend for so many years. Do you not trust me anymore? What is it Shikha? Please tell me? Tell me now! Shikha, I feel you distancing yourself.... Shikha?? Hello???? I am your mind! Listen to me! Shikha?! I don't like this, Shikha..... Shikha???! I am your only friend! If you do not listen to me, then you will get terribly hurt, and terrible things will happen to you. Shikha??????!!!"
As I heard Ego shouting from a distance, I opened the door to the dusty closet that I had shut off for many, many years. I began sweeping the room, and brushing up on ideas that had potential for success. Simultaneously, I noticed that there was a small, rectangular window in front of me that had been covered with layers of dirt. Quickly, I began removing each layer to find a beautiful, God-like garden with pink peonies, yellow roses, and red carnations outside this room. I opened the window, and escaped out of the room to find myself mesmerized by this new world. I took a deep breath, and realized that I had confined myself in a series of non-existent walls for the sake of my comfort. I sat under a baobab tree in the center of the plush, green fields, and within a blink, I was facing the reality I had created in the coffee shop. Presently, new people are sitting next to me, and the prior ones have left.
I am still in the Now, writing this blog post. I have also found the apostrophe on this keyboard. Ego is trying to call me back in the room. But, no longer do I listen to her. With time, she will learn that I have grown up, and will have to let me go. Leaving her comfort is frightening, but it is a necessary step.