Mika: the Best Guest Blogger on Planet Earth

Greetings human readers and fellow furry friends,

My name is Mika, pronounced as MEE-KA. No, I was not named after that silly Bollywood singer, Mika Singh or after the other, kinda famous singer, Mika.

I told Shikha that I am not interested in taking part in her silly human project. However, I thought about how it would be a good platform for my secret world domination plan. It is a very secret plan and I will not talk about it even if you bribe me with cans of gourmet fancy feast or delicious catnip treats.

I want to tell you about my first love, fancy feast.

It was a calm, cloudy afternoon in the city of birds, Shikha opened a can of chicken gravy and my stomach began grumbling. As I took my first bite, my eyes began to water, as I tasted the deliciousness in my mouth. 

Now, I am horrified by my diet food, because the vet thinks that I am overweight. How dare she! I am a handsome, moody and fluffy bundle of joy.  It is not my fault that I like to eat kibble before my naps, and that it has been causing my weight gain. It is SO ANNOYING that Shikha thinks that she can make me exercise by swinging a toy in front of my face.  Do I look like a stupid cat? I actually like to watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians! See, I am quite human.

Today, I was hungry at 5:46 AM, but I waited to wake Shikha up, because she is a very lazy human in the morning. At 6:30 AM, I was so hungry that I decided to wake her up by scratching our blinds very, very loudly. Guess what? This human does not wake up! I am pretty sure that I did not ask for a human that sleeps like a cat. Sometimes, I question whether she is a cat or a human.

Let me explain why.

Sometimes, I meow at 4:00 AM to check whether she is alive. Shikha grumbles, gives me the death look, and returns to REM sleep. Only cats have this skill, which makes me unsure whether she is human.

Shikha also spends a lot of time grooming her hair.  When I was a kitten, I attacked her hair to only find my paw stuck in her dreadful locks.  What a horrible experience it was! Now, I know that human hair cannot be pounced on.  I have resorted to attacking her leg and tripping her, especially when she wakes. Oh, what fun it is to watch her lose balance in the morning! Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, only cats are supposed to groom their hair. I spend approximately two hours a day grooming my beautiful, long hair.  It is a skill that I am very proud of and has been passed down from my dear Persian ancestors.

Sometimes, she hisses at me. Yes, it is so weird, and please let her know that.

I guess she has lots of cat-like tendencies that I will have to accept, especially since she is my annoying, boring roommate.  They say that acceptance is the key to happiness. But, I will not accept those horrible, anxiety-filled cuddle sessions.  That is why humans have stuffed toys and hideous teddy bears with creepy eyes.  I know that they exist, because Shikha used to have them, and I would attack them to make sure that they are dead. Do not worry, I can guarantee you that they were dead. Otherwise, I would have easily plotted their death.

PS – Sometimes, I like to be pet, only if I feel like it, which greatly depends on my mood.