I was having a discussion with a close friend of mine about how we have these invisible chords floating above us and connecting us to each other. At times, our cords get tangled up and become nearly impossible to untangle. For example, you have this close friend who you care for dearly, but eventually, his or her negative ideals do not match with yours. Thus, negativity is manifested within you when you become his or her container. This is amplified when you put in more effort to fix him or her, and it backfires by reducing your vibrations. Thus, you stop attracting opportunities for your self-growth. As a result, your cord that is connected to him or her tightens, and becomes even more knotted.
I had a really close friend who wouldn't stop complaining about everything she experienced, and her view on life was pessimistic. Every statement that came out of her mouth was an energy drainer, and anything that I did would upset her. I knew that she cared about me, so I stuck around for her. At the time I was naive, so I took in her energy, hoping that she would change. Every thing that we did together stopped being fun, but I still tried to see the brighter side of it. If she did something for me, then she expected me to do twice the amount for her. When I did do what I could, she resorted to complaining again. The cycle was so exhausting, but I didn't want to lose her as a friend. I tried communicating this to her but nothing changed.
One day, I realized that I deserved better, so I stopped answering her calls and text messages. She knocked on my door several times, but I didn't open it for her. Her words became vile and bitter as her ego felt insulted. Her text messages were filled with mean statements about how I was cruel and undeserving of her friendship. Yes, I did feel hurt and shocked by the way she was conducting herself. After some time, she came to apologize, but my eyes were now open to who she was. I created some distance, and our friendship began to fade as well. By doing so, the chords began to loosen as I began preparing myself to cut her off. When I told her that I was moving to San Francisco, she was angry instead of being supportive. I knew her reaction would be negative so it didn't affect me.
I stopped talking to her completely when I moved to San Francisco after she sent me resentful text messages about my move. I didn't need a friend who wasn't supportive in my life. All of my other close friends stuck by me through thick and thin during my move. For the number of years I knew her and gave her my time, she remained egoistic in our friendship.
Two years later, she contacted me on Facebook, and I was left with two choices: to open the door or to shut it for life. Sometimes, the universe brings back people from our past to check whether we have learned our lessons. I ended up choosing the latter, and finally, this decision cut the cord for good.
How do you know when you need to cut off or distance yourself from certain people?
- When you spend time with them, you feel drained out.
- They're always pessimistic.
- Instead of supporting you, they find faults within you.
- They're jealous of your accomplishments.
- They stop your personal development and growth.
- Instead of pushing you to do better, they pull you down.
- If you try to invoke change within them, then they become very defensive.
- You are stuck in the same cycle (abusers and victims go through this as well).
- You put in so much energy, but nothing works (they refuse to change).
When you begin to understand the value of your time and self-growth, then you become aware of the type of people you want to spend time with. People spend years running around in circles with the same types of relationships, because they don't take the time to reflect on what they want or deserve. Then, they lose faith in who they are, and continue to attract the same negative people. I advice you to take the time to self-analyze patterns in your life, and believe that you deserve supportive, positive relationships. You would be surprised to know how many people aim low, because they feel insecure about themselves. Each of us have so much love to offer and none of us need toxic relationships. We have the power to cut off the cords that choke us.